Season 1, episode 11 of Glee was entitled “Hairography.” Rapper Eve plays Grace Hitchens, the glee club director at Jane Adams Academy, an all-girl schools for troubled youth. Hitchens choir is competing against McKinley High in an upcoming showcase. Like many urban schools, Jane Adams Academy lacks the proper facilities for Hitchens’ glee club to prepare for competition, and in a moment of compassion, McKinley High’s director, Mr. Schuester, invites Hitchens to use his facility. Once there, the Jane Adams’ girls give a…um…bootylicious performance of Destiny’s Child’s 2001 single.

Schuester is intimidated by Jane Adams’ performance. But Rachel, a leader in his glee club, informs him that he has nothing to worry about. What he has witnessed is simply “hairography,” the frequent whipping of hair to distract from the fact that one lacks real talent.

Last week the producers of Love and Hip Hop: New York left us hanging on a cliff. Rapper Joe Budden presented Tahiry Jose, his on-again, off-again model (not) girlfriend of nine years, with the proposal of every girls’ dream. The extravagant surprise consisted of Tahiry’s sister directing her to Times Square. As she stood waiting for her sister to arrive, Joe calls and directs her to look up where beautiful video shows the characteristics of love. Joe then appears with a huge diamond to request Tahiry’s hand in marriage.

The proposal was beautiful, poetic even, and most women would’ve melted as they accepted his proposal and shed tears of joy over their dreams finally coming true. But not Tahiry. “Love is trust,” she told Joe. “And I don’t trust you.” She then went on to describe the inconsistent behavior Joe had illustrated throughout their relationship as evidence as to why she couldn’t accept his proposal at that point.

A lot of people were disappointed in Tahiry’s response. How could you turn down the dream proposal you’ve been praying for? But Tahiry recognized Joe’s proposal was nothing more than hairography–an extravagant and poetic proposal to distract from the fact that he had shown no evidence that he’d changed from the crappy boyfriend he’d often been.

Tahiry recognized that there’s more to marriage than love, carats and empty promises. My aunt told me years ago men don’t change their behavior once they get marry. If he’s a cheater before he’s married, he’s going to be a cheater once he’s married. Obviously, someone told Tahiry the same. If Joe isn’t willing to put in the work and prove that he’d changed up front, why should Tahiry marry him? How can she trust him?

So often we want the man, the ring, and the wedding so badly, that we overlook past and present behavior and place all our hopes in a few carats and unsecured promises. In the long run, we would be much happier if we required collateral with these promises. When it comes to relationships, marriage in particular, don’t just believe his words and hop in head first. Make sure his actions match his words.