These are my confessions.
I would appreciate it if you refrained from judging me.
We all have personal struggles. I’ve just chosen to live my aloud.
I’ve never been a jealous person. As a child, there was really nothing for me to want. As a young adult, I trusted that God had provided me with everything I needed for my journey. And as a “real” grown up, I’ve learned that things aren’t always as pretty as they appear. You may desire what someone has, but you may not want to pay the price they paid to obtain it.
Despite all this knowledge, lately, I’ve been having what I’ll call jealous moments (because I am NOT a jealous person). These moments usually occur when those people around me accomplish something that I should be working towards. I find myself saying, “I should be doing that.” God’s response is always the same: “Then do it.” My moments of jealous, don’t come from me lusting after other people’s possessions or positions, but from me not doing what I should be doing in order to accomplish what God has put me on this earth to do.
Carrying a God-vision is burdensome because the vision is often bigger than you can digest. And for me, as badly as I want to make that vision happen, I become overwhelmed by it and often choose to do nothing. Instead of taking my first, small bite, I just sit and stare at the elephant while shaking my head and mumbling, “This is too freaking big to eat.”
Jealous moments always have a root. It’s our responsible to find the root and destroy it before we become one of those hateful, bitter and jealous people that we all despise. The root of my jealous moments is fear. I fear if I attempt the vision God has given me I will fail, so to keep from failing, I do nothing.
I will be free from these jealous moments. And in order to be free from my jealous moments, I have to begin taking bites of that elephant. Those bites begin today.