“Then Jesus said to them, ‘Prophets are not without honor, except in their hometown, and among their own kin, and in their own house.’” — Mark 6:4
I remember when I first discovered this verse around 2005 life suddenly made sense to me. For once I understood why I felt so undervalued and completely unappreciated in my family. Not that I claim to be some great biblical prophet sent from the heavens. But I do, without a doubt, acknowledge that I’m a person of God-given purpose. And the more of my purpose that is revealed to me, the more it becomes evident that those around me don’t get it, dismiss it, and frankly don’t care. For a majority of my life I’ve felt completely alone. And for years I’ve carried that hurt and disappointment with me. But today, I’ve chosen to release it. I’ve let go. I’ve decided that today will be a new day, a new beginning, my truly purpose-driven life.
Today’s not the first time I’ve tried to start anew. I’ve spent much of my adult life praying and crying that things would improve, giving God the hurt and hoping He would take it away for good. Unfortunately, things didn’t get better and the hurt didn’t disappear. It’s hard to forgive people when they don’t ask for forgiveness, when the hurtful behavior continues, when they don’t acknowledge that they’ve done anything wrong, and when they identify you as the sole source of the problem. And what I (unfortunately) realized yesterday is that no one will ever “get” my hurt. They will never understand my pain and disappointment. They will never comprehend the emotions that I have continuously buried in an attempt to make them more comfortable. So I’m done trying. I’m done attempting to communicate what no one wants to hear. I done crying because no one understands. And most importantly, I’m done putting off what God has called me to do because others haven’t thrown their support behind me.
This morning as I lay in bed I repeated the Lord’s Prayer 6 or 7 times. Each time, I kept getting stuck on two parts. First, “thy will be done.” In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul writes about having a thorn in his side. Despite praying three times for it to be removed, it remained, and God simply told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” Like Paul, I’m no longer asking for this thorn in my side to be removed. My prayer is simply, “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” I pray this knowing if the thorn in my side is never removed, I can find peace in knowing I have God’s grace to help me endure.
The second part that kept stopping me was, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” It’s hard to forgive those who don’t ask for it, yet I understand that it is my responsibility to do just that. So I all I can do is pray…pray for the strength to forgive those how don’t even acknowledge that they’ve wronged me. Likewise, I acknowledge that I have wronged others. And even though they refuse to hear me out or allow me the opportunity to apology, God hears, He understands and He knows my heart. He knows that, contrary to what others may believe, it was never my intention to hurt anyone, yet I’m responsible enough to apology for the fact that my defense mechanisms did in fact cause hurt. But the person I’m most apologetic to is God. I apology for neglecting His vision for my life because it didn’t receive man’s approval. When I think about the time I’ve wasted and the lives that may have been complicated or lost because I did not do what He called me to do, all I can do is cry.
But all of this is in my past now. August 1 shall be a new beginning, and I refuse to allow my past experiences hinder my God-given destiny.
About Thirsdays Fulfilled: “The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published it” (Psalm 68:11). Spiritual inspiration for your thirstdays.