By Todd Hayes
My wife and I got married on October 6, 2012. It was a beautiful ceremony on a beautiful day. Our union became official and our future began. Our future will include children, but that’s all we know at this point. Everything else is unknown to us. When we will have kids, how many kids will we have, where they will grow up, etc., are the type of questions that cause two kinds of emotions: Fear and optimism. I am going to try to explain both from my perspective.
The optimism of raising a child creates exciting thoughts. You have ideas of what they may look like, their names could be picked out, and futures decided. Everyone wants the educated athlete, or the talented artist, or someone who is a pure genius. The child will be a perfect representation of the husband and wife (or mother or father depending on the situation). The family trips, pictures, sporting events can get anyone excited for what’s to come.
The fear, or reality in most cases, is what keeps people up at night. How can we afford children on our salaries and school loans? How can I live up to the level of parenting my parents did with me? What kind of house will we live in? Will our marriage be the same after the children are born? Will I be a good enough father to my future daughter? Will I be the man my son needs me to be? These are the fearful thoughts that can creep into someone’s mind.
We don’t know what the future holds, so I am trying to balance these emotions through communication and prayer. My wife and I talk about kids frequently. We get excited about the positives and also get real about reality. I don’t want us to not be on the same page when it comes to the future of our children. The last thing we need is a surprise in the form of divisive thoughts. I also have faith in the Lord that He will provide through everything if I continue to trust in Him.
Are we ready? Almost. I feel that we will be very good parents because of our personalities, upbringing, and spiritual foundation. What is keeping us from starting is the time we want to give ourselves to enjoy our marriage and continue to grow with each other. I know that once a child comes into our lives, certain things will change. There are also financial fears I am trying to work on. Trust in the Lord is all we have because of the unknown future.
Todd Hayes is a California native currently residing in Fort Worth, TX. He has spent the past seven years teaching bilingual education in grades ranging from fourth through sixth. He graduated in 2005 from Morehouse College achieving a Bachelor of Arts degree in the field of Spanish. He received his Masters in Education Administration degree from the University of North Texas in 2012. When he is not in the classroom, you can find him playing soccer on the weekends, or recording his weekly sports podcast called Hayes’ Headlines. Todd and his bride of 8 months, Jasma Hayes, share enjoyment in movies, food, music and most importantly, each other.