Today when my phone rang, I didn’t answer. I didn’t even have the number saved, but I knew who it was and had no desire to talk. I actually made the decision I wouldn’t answer the phone yesterday when I recalled picking up the phone two years ago.
I’m not angry or bitter. In fact I’m extremely indifferent and completely over it. My indifference was birthed from his lack of involvement, a reality I made peace with years ago. While many fight to keep fathers in their child’s life, I made the decision not to at 18, after I’d asked for financial assistance and a consistent physical presence and received neither. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not the one to beg for help, so that was the last time I even considered asking. And honestly, if you can’t be a positive influence in my child’s life, I’d rather you not be an influence at all. So I released it. I gave it to God and let go. I prayed that He would provide every need and fill any void, and he always has. And for that, I’m extremely grateful.
I acknowledge my role in this situation and accept full responsibility. I was a girl who procreated with a boy…and while I made the decision to become a woman, put in the hard work and make the sacrifices required, he chose not to. And I simply cannot expect a boy to raise a child.
For years I took the words of the males in my life at face value, only to be disappointed when their actions didn’t line up with their words. At 22, I decided I would no longer do that. That’s why I didn’t answer the phone this morning. I have no desire to listen to anyone’s verbal expression of appreciation when their actions just don’t add up, and I’m simply not obligated to answer the phone for someone who calls once a year in what is more of an effort to make themselves feel better than to express genuine gratitude. Because if your words were sincere, I would see it in your actions.
I wrote this for all single moms who put in the work and make the sacrifices alone. Know that if your child needed him, God wouldn’t have allowed him to be an inactive co-parent. God has an AMAZING way of covering your child, providing every need, and filling every void. Just trust Him to. He will also renew your strength and give you everything you need for your journey. Don’t be bitter. Stand strong and smile. Refuse to let anyone take your joy away. You’ve got this, but most importantly, God’s got this!