I’m not a fan of mistresses. I don’t cheer for them in real life. In fact, 99 percent of the time I think they are antithesis of all things that are good on the earth, just insecure creatures who destroy others in their search for love and acceptance. But Thursday night, Olivia Pope said something powerful; she said something that all women should say and live.


“I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored, or lonely, or horny. I am not the girl a guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me. Until then, we are done.” — Olivia Pope


Too many women settle for being a man’s playground, his recess, his toy chest. Too many women attempt to become a man’s fantasy woman. Too many women are completely dedicated to a man who has never done one thing to earn them.

Earn me. What do those two simple, yet complex, words even mean? Make me a priority. Show me you value me. Recognize my worth. Those are the things that come to mind when I hear the words “earn me.” It’s not an obstacle course designed so only the person with the most endurance can win at the end. It’s simply showing me that I matter, illustrating with actions that I am more than just a toy for your amusement.

OMG, I hear you guys. “Why do I have to do all the work? Why can’t she earn me?” Let’s not get things twisted. Earn me is not a one-sided activity. The earning should definitely be reciprocal. We all should 1) make sure the person we are earning is worth it and 2) make sure they are earning us as well.

So instead of writing off “earn me” as a side chick’s desperate cry to permanently win her married lover, let’s embrace it for what it is, a basic set of relationship standards that’s needed for a happy & healthy love story.