On Friday, the Twitter streets were all abuzz over the fact that Kandi was asking Todd to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. In her Bravo blog dated January 24, Kandi does a great job of explaining her logic behind requesting a pre-nup. I understand Kandi’s desire to protect herself and her assets as she enters a new marriage; however, I was disappointed by the overwhelming number of individuals on my Twitter timeline who dapped Kandi up with absolutely no regard to the biblical concept of “two becoming one.”
Let me clarify up front, I’m not anti-pre-nup. I understand the role they play in a society where the chances of divorce are 50 percent, but do you really want to go into a marriage planning its demise? Jesus speaks on divorce in Mark 10 (yes, it’s in RED!!!):
They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” 5 But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,[b] 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:4-9, NSR)
So from reading this I draw two conclusions: 1) Divorce isn’t in God’s plan for us and 2) Dividing one by two equals half.
Seriously, I’m no one’s gold digger. I think my dating resume will attest to this, but I truly believe the discussions some of you are having regarding pre-nups completely disregards the contributions the lesser earning individual is making to the relationship. True, he or she may not be with you shooting in the gym (I hate this saying), but he or she must be contributing something to the relationship. If he or she is taking care of you, the kids and the home and making significant sacrifices to their career (or the career they could have), then you can’t dismissively say “(s)he wasn’t with me shooting in the gym” and expect them to walk away with nothing.
Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership the individuals in the partnerships bring different assets, different skill sets and different strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. That’s part of the reason partnerships are successful. In business you may have one partner who is strong in developing products while the other is amazing when it comes to sales and marketing. If things go wrong and the partnership comes to an end, you wouldn’t expect one business partner to walk away empty-handed. So why would you expect this in a marriage? Just because what one person is contributing is different from what the other is contributing doesn’t lessen its importance. At the end of the day, if you can’t trust the person you’re marrying to be in it for more than the money, should you really be marrying them? Maybe that’s a sign your relationships isn’t solid and you should walk away.
With all of that said, crap happens. Like Kandi said, having a fire extinguisher in your home is a necessary precaution, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re planning for a fire. And as someone who believes in planning and having the hard discussions up front, I have to admit that having a pre-nup facilitates that to a certain extent. Parties get irrational when relationships begin to end, so why not discuss the terms when all are sane and in their right mind? So I wouldn’t exactly be against signing or requesting a pre-nup. However, those terms would have to be in line with my biblical beliefs that two people become one in marriage.
So if #HeyBoo is the bread winner, I requesting 50 percent. If I cheat, then I walk away with considerably less, possibly nothing. I definitely don’t believe one should cause the marriage to end and then walking away with half. If I’m the bread winner, I’m asking him to agree to the same thing. I think that’s reasonable. And if #HeyBoo doesn’t feel that’s reasonable, then maybe we just don’t need to get married.
At the end of the day, I think too many people attempt to use pre-nups as a condom for their hearts. But at the end of the day love, relationships, and marriage are all a gamble. All you can do is put all your chips on the table and pray you were wise enough to pick the right one.