It’s never my desire to speak in absolutes, but let’s be honest. There’s a significant number of women out here who just want to get married. We get so caught up in the validation that comes with “being chosen” that we don’t always put proper thought into who we are marrying. Or whether he’s a man at all.

One of the most important factors needed in order to have a successful marriage is that both individuals are mature adults. Unfortunately, ladies, we often get so caught up in falling and being in love that we fail to make sure the person we are loving is a man and not a boy.

An interesting aspect of Adam and Eve’s relationship that’s often ignored is before God brought Eve into Adam’s life, God made Adam man up. Adam walked with God. He was fathered, he worked/found his purpose, and he learned about the environment around him.

 

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh; 
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man. ”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

–Genesis 2:15-25

Before Adam received his wife, he worked/found his purpose, spent time with God and figured out who he was as a person. And because he learned who he was as a person, when he saw Eve, he immediately recognized her as the person he was suppose to be with. There was no convincing. Eve didn’t play games, manipulate or trap Adam. She simply showed up and because he knew who God created him to be, he recognized who God created him to be with.

I’m not a fan of the modern idea of dating. I don’t believe in going out with everything that looks and feels good in hopes that one will stick around for the long run. To me, that’s the equivalent of throwing crap at the wall and waiting to see what sticks. If my God is more purposeful in every other area of life, why wouldn’t He be more purposeful with my life partner as well? So instead, I rock with the Adam and Eve methodology of dating. I work/figure out my purpose, I spend time with Him, and I grow as a person while firmly believing that my spouse is doing the same. And then when our paths do cross, we will know our God and ourselves so well that we able to identify each other. No convincing. No games. No manipulation. Just peace, recognition and joy.

The beauty of Adam and Eve’s story is because they were so comfortable and confident in themselves that they could be completely naked in front of each other and feel no shame. Now think deeper about that. Not just physically naked, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually nude. Sharing your deepest thoughts with someone without fear, shame or judgement. That’s how God designed marriage to be. Ironically, all was well until they started allowing other people to have an opinion on their relationship with God and each other. Adam and Eve’s first fight was when the serpent started interfering in their business. Hmmmmm……

So before you run off a marry a “man,” make sure he is a man. Be sure that he’s spent time getting to know God, himself and his purpose (Adam wasn’t just working a random job) before you commit the rest of your life to him. What do you do while you wait? How about you get to know God, yourself and your purpose as well.