I’ve been working hard to respect my quiet time with God. Just taking time at the beginning and end of the day to sit with Him, be grateful and seek guidance. As I was doing this Monday, I started praying for my spouse (something I do often). Not praying that God drops him on my doorstep, but praying for his well-being, his success and his protection. In that moment I realized just how much I had grown over the past eight years.
Eight years ago I decided I was going to get serious about walking with God, living for Him and not just being a Christian in name. Unfortunately, this didn’t just come from my love of God. I desperately wanted something from Him, and I knew the only way to get it from Him was to do things His way. What did I want? You guessed it. I wanted a man.
You see, I WAS the type to come to God and ask for a man. I can think of at least 1…2…3……5 that I’ve petitioned God for. Thank God, He always denied my request. *Cues worship music (Beyonce’s “Best Thing I Never Had”) & the praise dancers.* I distinctly remember one particular occasion where I prayed til I was drowning in snot. The words were so clear that I remember them until this day. “I can trust you with everything, but for some reason I can’t trust you with this.” I was trying to control God. I was trying to tell Him what was best for me instead of asking for instructions and obeying His directions. Deep down I knew I would never get what I wanted as long as I was attempting to call the shots, but at the same time I didn’t trust God to do what was best for me.
At some point, I’m not even sure when, I relinquished control. I let go and surrendered my relationship status to God. It’s not that I don’t desire to be married anymore, but I now trust God to do it when and how He sees fit. I’m no longer controlled or stressed by the desire. I move in my purpose and trust God with the rest. So now when I pray about my spouse, they are no longer these desperate, snot slanging prayers. They are all about Him preparing us and making us better so we are able to merge together perfectly. And as I prayed Monday evening I realized just how healthy a space I am in. I have truly surrendered all to Him. I completely trust Him with whether it happens, when it happens and how it happens. That’s a lot of growth from where I was.
I have truly come full-circle on this issue. My Thirstdays Fulfilled blogs started around 2005 do to my search for God to fulfill the thirst I was toting that no man could fulfill. And here I am in 2012 completely thirst-free. This feels good. Funny, Jesus told the women at the well who had been shacking up with all those men that drinking man’s water will leave you thirsty again, but drinking his water, his living water, would cause you to never thirst again. As always, Jesus was right……because the kid is no longer thirsty.
Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” (John 4:13, 14 NLT)