On Sunday, I learned an amazing and painful lesson.
Every Sunday after church I turn to Bubby Love & DJ Herb’s old school mix on V103 in Atlanta. This week they just so happen to be giving away tickets to an upcoming Maxwell & Erykah Badu concert. I immediately called not once, not twice, but 28 times. And on the 28th time, the phone actually rang. Bubby Love picked up and after jesting with me for a while, he placed me on hold.
I HAD WON THE TICKETS!!!!! I was so nervous! My hands were shaking! My heart was pounding. And my body was beginning to be covered with sweat.
Suddenly random thoughts began to pour into my mind. “What if this call drops? What if I accidently end the call?” I was so scared. I started thinking about what I could do to prevent this call from ending. I was focusing all this energy on things going wrong, when I should have been living in the moment and enjoying the NOW (me winning the tickets)! And before I knew it, all that negative energy I was creating manifested!!! In an effort to prevent accidently hanging up the call, I pressed my screen lock button and…yeah, you guessed it, I hung up the phone.
My heart dropped, and my stomach became one huge, unbearable knot. “HOW COULD I BE SOOOOOO STUPID?!?!?!” I thought. I had just caused myself to lose out on the one thing that I truly and completely wanted at that moment. I was disgusted with myself and utterly embarrassed! But in my hurt, pain, and anger, I sat quietly and thought.
While I was sitting in awe and silence, I remembered the words to a gospel song I would always sang when getting what I wanted was difficult. “What God has for me it is for me.” Those words were supposed to comfort me, but instead, I heard a voice that said, “It WAS for you! I gave it to you, and YOU messed it up. Stop trying to hold on to and keep from losing what I have given you. Once it’s yours, it’s yours! No one can take it out of your hands but me…or you!”
In that moment I realized that I didn’t want to EVER feel that way or be in that situation again. I had lost out on an amazing opportunity because of my own foolishness. Because I was trying to keep from losing what He had given to me. I could’ve handled losing this opportunity because someone was better than me or even because someone had manipulated me, but no. No one tricked me out of this opportunity. No one caused chaos or conflict. I, alone, messed up what I wanted. And that left me feeling foolish with no one to blame but myself.
After getting the lesson, part of me was still upset, but more of me was appreciative. Hebrews 12:6 says, “…the Lord disciplines those he loves…” Clearly, God had just whipped my butt to teach me a lesson, so He MUST love me. I knew I needed that lesson. God is opening doors of opportunity for me, and if I’m going to successfully walk through them I must be confident that what He’s giving me is mine. I mustn’t spend time fighting to get or keep what has been freely given to me by my Father. I just need to enjoy the benefits of being His child.
At the end of the day, I’m just glad the only thing I had to lose in order to learn this lesson is a couple of concert tickets. At the end of the day, it could’ve been much worse. Because of this loss, God has changed my mindset and ensured that I will do whatever is necessary to make sure I am prepared for the opportunities He is placing before me. The last thing I need is to walk to a door that God has opened for me only to have it slammed in my face because I wasn’t prepared. I can’t have another loss due to my own foolishness. I want all He has for me, and I’m determined to be ready to receive it! Yeah, I may have lost the tickets, but I learned an amazing lesson. And if I’m lucky one of you will know Bubby Love or someone at V103 who can hook a sister up!
Oh yeah, be careful of the energy you put into the atmosphere. It will come back to you! Make sure what’s coming back is the positivity you want and need in your life.